Beautiful Reminders

Today I spent part of the day at my sister-in-law Stacy's house.  While we were visiting, she took me into her laundry room to show me a project that she had started for the kids, but had never finished. As she was looking through some boxes, she found this sweet little note that she had written down months eariler.  It read...

Found Darylin's keys and stopped to return them on my way to church. After I went into the house and they were in their bedroom with the door closed, I decided to leave. I was giving Ashlynn the message about the keys, when there was a knock at the door. In came Riley and Brinley, I asked why they had come in, instead of waiting in the car. Riley said, "Because I need to give David and Darylin a hug." I asked why and he said, "Because I was told too, they need it". Then he walked back and tried to open their door. They asked who it was and he said, "Riley Kempton". I realized they were not available right then and told Riley we would come back later. When we got to church and the sacrament was starting, I asked Riley why he had felt that he needed to give David and Darylin a hug so bad. He said because he needed to make Dylan happy. I asked, "Why would that make Dylan so happy?" He said, "Because when your best friend goes to heaven, he needs you to make sure his parents are happy."

This was such a wonderful reminder of how close Dylan was right after he passed. I believe that he did prompt Riley to come in and give us a hug. Dylan showed us in so many beautiful ways that he was aware of our sorrow and wanted to comfort us.  I miss feeling him so close, like it was right after his death and even months after. I know he still comes to see us, but not as often now. I am so thankful to a loving Heavenly Father who allowed our son to stay with us for a while to comfort us and also sent others to help carry us, when we had no strength.

Happy Mother's Day

Today has been a wonderful Mother's Day! Last year was so hard for me and I was very sad most of the day. I remember sitting on the bench on my front porch crying my eyes out, and my sweet neighbor across the street saw me and came over to comfort me. She told me that I was a strong woman and said, "You can do this!" It meant so much to me that she had so much faith in me.
I woke up unusually early this morning. As soon as I opened  my eyes the first thought that came to me was of Dylan. In my minds eye, I pictured him floating above me and reaching down to give me a kiss on the cheek. The words, "I love you, Mom. Happy Mother's Day" also filled my mind. It was just a few brief moments, but that was all I needed! I have learned not to discredit those precious tender mercies that come. How thankful I am for the sweet visit from my angel son! It made my Mother's Day that much more special.

Tender Mercies

I've decided to start recording the little tender mercies I recieve. I must admitted I do wish I would have done this a long time ago. There have been sooo many that I did not write down and that I have forgotten now. Right after Dylan passed they came on a daily basis, sometimes several times a day, but now they come less frequently. Yesterday I was in the bathroom doing something, I can't remember exactly what, but Hayden peeked around the bathroom door and just out of the blue flashed me the sign for I love you in sign language. He just held up his fingers and smiled at me. It surprised me so much because he has never done that before.  It instantly reminded me of Dylan and the sweet picture of him showing I love you in sign language. I remember being at the funeral home in the parking lot getting things ready for the funeral and talking to Stacy. She was getting ready to get in her car to leave and stopped and flashed me the sign...just like Dylan did. Later she told me that she felt like Dylan had whispered in her ear to do that so that I would know he loved me. I think that's what he told Hayden yesterday. I know that he loves me and wants to find ways to still show me.

Pennies from Heaven

I found another penny today, this time just laying on the carpet in the living room. I have decided to save them each time I find one. I already have four next to his pictures in my room. I know that this is Dylan's way of saying "hello" and that he is near and watching over me. It is so weird... all the random times and places I find them. I miss him terribly tonight and am feeling those tugs at my heart. I thought about it today...how it is getting harder to remember what it is like to be around him. I am forgetting what his personality was like and his laugh and the funny little things he used to say and do.  I makes my heart ache thinking about it! I don't want to forget him...I want to hold him, and kiss him, and talk to him, run my fingers through his hair, and kiss his cheek, and tell him how much I love him!! I miss my Dylan soooo much! I will never look at another penny again without thinking about Dylan. <3

Just a little background about the "Angel's Pennies" poem. On Dylan's birthday, exactly 7 months after he passed, we woke up that morning to find this poem outside our front door, along with pennies scattered all over our front porch, along our driveway, and all over our cars and camper. There were hundreds of pennies. Later that day, we also discovered that they had placed pennies at his grave site as well. After about a week, we finally figured out who had done this for us...The Martin Family. Jeff and David went to highschool together and are still great friends. We love them like family and they have been a great support to us. One day after a few months passed, I decided it was time to sweep up the pennies from the front porch. As I started to sweep Hayden came running outside saying, "No, no mommy! Those are Dylan's pennies!" After his strong reaction I decided we would just leave the pennies just where they were. Almost a year later, there are still a few of Dylan's pennies left on the porch.

The Day that Changed Our Lives Forever

Friday Dec. 4, 2010 started out like any other day. We got up and got the kids off to school and David went to work. It was just another normal day. I did my usually chores of cleaning the house, laundry, etc. during the morning and then picked the kids up from school at 2:10. I remember picking up Brinley and Riley, my niece and nephew, as well and taking all the kids to Thirftee to get donuts and ice cream. Dylan loved to go there and get a donut and a little soda and sit on the bench by the pharmacy and eat. Donuts were his favorite! He loved the chocolate ones with sprinkles.

Because it was Friday night (date night) David and I decided to go to dinner with Kip and Stacy, my brother and sister-in-law and some friends, Bruce and Jennifer Bushman. We left our second daughter Brooklyn to babysit and went to Denny's to have dinner. After having dinner with our friends we were invited to go to the Bushman's house to watch a movie on their big screen TV. For some reason David didn't want to go and said he just wanted to go home and workout. I, on the other hand, wanted to go and was not ready to go back home yet. So I told David to go ahead and go home and I would go with Kip and Stacy to the Bushman's to watch the movie. This was very unusual for me. I would have usually just gone home with David, but for some reason I did not.

While I went with the rest of them to watch the movie, David went home and played his computer game for a while and then decided to gather up the kids and go workout in the weight room while the kids played and danced around. This is something they all did together often. Dylan, Ashlynn, and Brooklyn would put on their favorite music and watch themselves dance in the mirror while their dad would workout. Sometimes Dylan would be a typical boy and climb and swing from some of the bars that were on the tall Smith machines. That night all the kids were there except for Shaylin, who was out with her friends on a group date. After a while Hayden, our 2 yr.old was getting tired and needed his diaper changed, so David left all the kids in the weight room and went inside to take care of the baby and put his pajamas on. He was only gone a few short minutes when Ashlynn came running in saying that Dylan was hurt! David quickly ran into the weight room and found Dylan on the floor under one of the big Smith machines with a 40 lb. weight lying next to him. He was gasping for breath and holding his stomach. David thought maybe he had fallen off of the Smith machine and it had knocked the breath out of him. After a few seconds David could tell that the situation was very serious and he grabbed Dylan and ran to the car. We live about 2 minutes away from the hospital, so it didn't take David long to get to the emergency room. He had Dylan in his arms as he drove and was tell him to breathe because Dylan was quickly turning blue from lack of oxygen. As David ran into the hospital with Dylan in his arms he felt his little body go limp and he believes that this was when his spirit left his body.

Meanwhile, the movie had ended and Kip and Stacy brought me home. I walked into the house and didn't see anyone around so I went out to the weight room assuming they would all be out there. As I opened the door, I saw Brooklyn holding Hayden on her lap while she was hugging Ashlynn tightly. Ashlynn was crying and Brooklyn looked very pale and scared. They asked me if their dad was in the house and I said no. They then told me that Dylan had gotten hurt and they think that dad took him to the hospital. As soon as I heard this I told them all to get in the car. We quickly drove to the hospital. I will forever remember what happened next. I told the kids to wait in the waiting room and I went through the emergency doors. The first thing I saw was David sitting on the floor crying hysterically. I looked past him and saw Dylan laying on a table with many people moving frantically around him. I asked David what had happened and he said he didn't know exactly but that Dylan could not breathe and he wasn't sure if he had fallen and hit his head or if there was some other injury. I think I was in a bit of a shock because I really felt no emotion at all at that moment. All I felt was PEACE...an indescribable amount of peace! It was like I was in my own bubble of LOVE and PEACE. I had never felt ANYTHING like that and have not since then. I believe it was Heavenly Father's way of protecting me from the pain of the situation.

I watched as the nurses and doctors worked on Dylan. I remember the look on some of the nurses faces as they looked at me. It was the look of pity and deep sorrow... I think they knew at that moment that he would not make it. One of the doctors approached us and told us that our son was "very, very sick" and that they would have to fly him to Tuscon to get more medical attention. By then, they had put a tube down his throat that was helping him breathe, but his hands and feet were still very blue. David's mom came in and was trying to comfort David. I remember standing next to Dylan holding his hand and telling him I loved him. David's mom then came over and stood next to me and whispered, " He is just watching all of this." At that moment I realized she was right and I knew that his spirit was not in his body... but was free watching everything as it unfolded. I felt, at that time, that I was being prepared to let him go.

I then went over to try and console my husband who was very upset and crying. As we stood there feeling very helpless, a doctor approached us and asked us to go into his office. We went into his little office and he told us to have a seat. He then told us that Dylan had some brain damage from going too long without oxygen and that he would never be the same little boy again. We were devastated and very upset. I started crying at that point, realizing how serious his injuries were. By then, the rest of our family had arrived at the hospital. I went out to see if the kids were ok. When I opened the door, I saw my oldest daughter Shaylin rush over to me crying and asking if Dylan was ok. I then had to tell my children the terrible news that their brother was seriously injured and would never be the same. My heart ached for them when I saw the tears, fear, and uncertainty in their eyes.

I then went back in the emergency room to see what was going to happen next. The people from LifeNet had arrived and were preparing to put Dylan on a gurney and transport him onto the helicopter. I felt a great amount of urgency to have all the kids come in and tell Dylan goodbye and that they loved him. So I had my sister-in-law go out and get them. The girls then came in and stood around Dylan each taking a moment to hug him and tell him that they loved him. It seems like everything was going in slow motion and I felt like they were taking forever to get him outside and on to the helicopter. I just wanted to scream at them to "hurry up and get my son to where he needs to be!!" Once they got him on the gurney we walked behind them out to where the helicopter was. The nurse was very nice and let everyone in the family that was there tell him goodbye before they loaded him on. I remember kissing him on the forehead and whispering in his ear that I loved him so much. They told David and I that one of us could ride on the helicopter to Tucson with Dylan. I immediately said that David would go with him. There was no doubt in my mind that he was the one that needed to be with him.

After the helicopter left,  I  remember thinking, now what?  I was relieved when my brother-in-law, Kip said he would drive me to Tucson. I remember getting in my van to drive home and having the thought run through my head, "Heavenly Father, if you need to take him now, it's ok." I just kept saying that over and over in my mind. At that moment, I think I was just trying to be brave, but I also think I was trying to prepare myself for what might happen. Once I got home, I  remember throwing some clothes in a bag and telling my oldest daughter Shaylin goodbye. She was crying and I felt bad leaving her.

Once we started on our way, the tears started again and would not stop. I have never been so uncertain in all my life. I started thinking about what it would be like to live without Dylan. I even started thinking about funeral plans and what we would do if we would need to plan his funeral. I thought about what day it would be on, and who would come. All these thoughts were racing through my head. After awhile David called and said that they took him into surgery as soon as they arrived at UMC. He sounded so scared on the phone and my heart ached to be with him. He said he would call me as soon as he knew anything. Very soon after I got off the phone with David, I remember very vividly a warm feeling come over me and a voice in my head say, "Hi Mom!, I love you." It was the voice of a man, but I KNEW that it was my Dylan.  I remember looking over at Kip and saying, "I think he's gone." I'm not sure how long it was until David called again, but I answered saying, "He didn't make it, did he." He said, no he didn't. The doctor told him that his liver had been pulverized by the weight that had landed on it and that there was nothing they could have done to save him. Immediately, I wanted to be with David and cry into his arms. My heart was breaking and I just wanted my husband! I wanted to hold him and tell him I love him and that it would be ok, we would get through this together.

The rest of the trip to Tuscon is a blur. I just remember crying and Kip holding my hand trying to comfort me. Once we arrived, we walked into the emergency room waiting room. I was completely numb at this point and felt like it was all just a bad dream that I would wake up from, at any moment. We waited for what it seemed like forever before a lady came out and told us to come with her. She took us to a little room with a couch and a few chairs in it. She told me that David would join us as soon as he could. I said ok, but was frustrated that she wouldn't just take me to him. By then, some more of the family had arrived and we all just sat in the room and cried together. The lady, which was a social worker, came in and handed me a book and a few pamphlets and told me that she was very sorry for my loss. I just looked at her and thought, you probably have no idea what I'm going through right now! After another hour or so, she came in again with an older gentlemen, which was a pastor of some sort, and asked if we needed anything. She brought sandwiches and water and wanted us to eat. That was the last thing I wanted to do! I asked her again if I could just go be with my husband and why he was taking so long. She finally told me that the police had to ask him some questions before he could come and be with the rest of us.

After another hour or so of waiting, I felt like I was going to lose it! I just wanted to be with my husband! I didn't understand why they were taking so long, just to ask him a few questions. When the social worker came in to check on us, I think I just snapped! I got right in her face and said, "You need to take me to my husband right now! My son has died and I need to be with my husband!"  She said she was sorry, but could not. After that, I slid down the wall and crumbled into a ball, crying hysterically. She tried to explain that when a child dies from an accident it is just something they have to do, because unfortunately people do hurt their children on purpose. They have to get the police involved to make sure that the story matches up with what happened to the child. So, basically they were interrogating David trying to figure out if he had done anything to Dylan! I was so furious that this was happening! It is bad enough that your son dies, but to be made to feel like it was your fault!!

Three hours after we arrived at UMC, I was finally able to hold my husband and cry into his arms. I felt like we had been apart for days. After we cried for awhile together and he hugged all the family that had arrived, he said he wanted to have a family prayer.

Getting Started

I have been wanting to do this for a while now and have finally decided it was time. Welcome to The Farar Family Blog!